ProlificMom

I posted this story some time last year, but I was doing laundry today and it made me laugh just to think about how much my life/marriage/family has changed over the last 17 years.  It was a great memory and I ended my day with a good laugh.

Enjoy

We all know that childhood song where you put your right foot in and out and shake it all about.  Eventually, by the end of the song, you end up dizzy and breathless on the floor.   In the ProlificMom house we have our own version, and it made my life and my marriage a little bit easier.

Marriage – Year One:  We attended a class for young married couples – Keys to Loving Relationships (a book/study series by Gary Smalley).

He explains that an important key to a good marriage is good communication, and every person has their own communication style and language.   Its difficult to have a meaningful discussion with someone who doesn’t speak the same language.  If you’re trying to communicate what you want someone else to do, you need to make sure that you are speaking their language or they are not going to get it.

In marriage there are often many (mis)communication challenges that usually end with someone saying “you just don’t listen to me” or “you just don’t get it.” Once I understood the communication gap, I started figuring out how to get what I wanted by using an entirely new set of communication tools. ( I wish they would have taught me about this important skill in college.)

Marriage – Year Five:  So, the Mister and I were finding it “stressful” to “discuss” the laundry.  Actually, I would call from work and ask him to take the clothes out of the dryer.  And just like I asked, he would take the clothes out of the dryer (and that was all).  I was constantly infuriated because he didn’t do the next step – take the clothes out of the wash and put them in the dryer, then take dirty laundry and start the wash all over again.  Why wasn’t he listening to me?!!! We had been arguing about discussing this for years and he still didn’t get it that when I asked him to “take the clothes out of the dryer” I wanted him to do the full laundry cycle.  Why did I have to explain the full cycle of laundry every time I wanted his help?

ProlificMom said: “Take the clothes out of the dryer – interpretation: Do the full laundry cycle.

What the Mister heard: “Take the clothes out of the dryer. – interpretation: Take the clothes out of the dryer.

Then, one day, I realized that we had a communication gap.  He couldn’t read my mind, and I didn’t have the patience to explain the process in detail every time I wanted it done.

Four years after watching the Keys video series (I’m a little bit slow on the uptake.) the light bulb came on!: We weren’t speaking the same language.  This occurred to me at work after calling the Mister at home to once again argue ask  about the laundry.  I just couldn’t stand the thought of wasting my energy on something so small or stupid.

That was my a-hah! moment. I needed to find a word that I could use to define the entire process.   So, I called the Mister and told him that I didn’t ever want us to argue about the laundry again, and I was going to think of a word that we could use to define the entire laundry process.   Any time one of us used the word the other one would know exactly what to do. Then I had to figure out what the word would be.   An hour later I had it – the perfect word to describe the process – DO THE HOKEY POKEY!  (I wanted him to do the laundry dance – step by step.)

Marriage – Year 17:  Twelve years later, everyone in my house knows what this term means, and we also use it to define loading and unloading the dishwasher. To differentiate we say “do the hokey pokey in the kitchen”.

This is only one small victory in the communication battleground of marriage, but a victory for sure.

Thank you Gary Smalley - I finally got it.